Once Upon A Time...

As a child, I wasn't the kind of girl to have princess fantasies.  I didn't ever have the expectation that some knight in shining armor would rescue me from my pathetic existence, whisk me off to a castle, and take care of me.  This could be due to a multitude of reasons, including, but not limited to:

Growing up in middle class suburbia, where my existence was far from pathetic and the only things I needed to be rescued from were my annoying little brother and boring Hebrew school classes.

AND/OR

Growing up with a hippie liberal feminist mother who instilled the expectation that I would be an educated hard-worker and be fully capable of taking care of myself and those around me, if need be.

AND

The fact that I'm clearly lacking the key gene that provides most heterosexual women with the desire to find Mr. Right and the ability to dream of their wedding day since age 3 and the gnawing desire to become pregnant, give birth, and rear children.

So, due to the above, I ended up growing up, falling in love with my high school sweetheart, going to college, buying a small condo in South Florida, getting married on a beach in Jamaica (just the 2 of us with no big hoopla), and living like the poor struggling young entry-level career people that we were.  We talked about the future and our plans to eventually upgrade our lifestyle as we advanced in our career paths.  We both worked hard and went to graduate school.  We earned our Master's degrees at the same time and he decided to pursue a PhD at the University of Georgia.  I got an incredible job at a nearby college and it was a huge stepping stone in my career.  By this point, our marriage was on the rocks, but we moved together to continue to work on growing and advancing our lives.  But, wherever you go, there you are.  Our marriage continued to dissolve.  I moved out.  We got divorced. 

At this point, I assumed I'd be an uber-focused career-woman.  I assumed that I'd spend my hard-earned money however I liked.  I assumed I'd have plenty of time to volunteer and plenty of money to donate to my favorite nonprofits. I assumed that I'd never re-marry and I'd be someone who had a life built around friends and their growing families.  I assumed that "crazy aunt Raychel" would be the one who always brought a new boyfriend to join the vacations at the beach or Passover seders or bar mitzvahs and weddings. I just didn't ever see myself settling down again. 

There is a great old saying: Man plans and G-d laughs.  G-d laughs quite hard at me...a big old belly laugh that might even end up making G-d snort and then laugh even harder!

Because, not even a year later, in rode my Prince Charming.  On one of our first dates, we discussed family and holidays and somehow, I lamented the fact that I'd had to work hard with my ex-husband's family. Years before, I had coined the term Cinderaychel and I used it to describe how I felt at holiday gatherings and special occasions with my previous in-laws.  I always wanted to help and impress and whatever other deluded sense of duty or reasoning I had and I cooked and cleaned and slaved and waited on grandparents hand and foot.  Right then and there, my Prince Charming re-dubbed me Raycharella and I kind of just melted.

Of course, I'm now a super busy step-mom who cleans, cooks, schelps, entertains, and works my tuchus off, but so does my Prince Charming.  We don't live in a castle, but he certainly treats me like his Queen.  Actually, the thing that inspired me to write this post is the way that I'm always saying that he "rescues" me.  Last night, we were leaving a basketball game and I realized that I had forgotten something back at our seats.  He ran back against the traffic of the growing crowd to grab them. Today, the chicken I was preparing to make for dinner didn't defrost in time and he suggested we go out to eat instead.  Those are examples of silly little things, but he's always there to get me out of a jam.  I know that I rescue him too and that's what makes our marriage so great.  We specifically do things to make the other's life easier.  He truly is my knight in shining armor and his chivalry is one of my favorite things about him.

That being said, I have several knights in shining armor in my life.  I have friends and family members who ride in on their steeds whenever I need advice or consoling.  I have plenty of people in my life who are happy to help me slay whatever dragons may be in my path.  My life is far from a fairy tale, but I like this storyline and plot much better.  Plus, I get to wear designer jeans instead of ball gowns and glass slippers!

New Year's Resolutions

I've recently noticed a trend towards hating on New Year's Resolutions!  Is it because social media has given us an outlet to talk about these topics and/or balk at tradition and/or create self-deprecating some e-cards?  Possibly.

I, for one, am not exactly sure into which camp I fall.  Part of me would like to balk and say, "We make them and never keep them, so why bother?" The other part of me would like to say, "Why would we shun an opportunity to set goals and work towards self-improvement?"  The latter half wins...if only for the sake of this blog post.

Here are just a few of the things I'm resolving to do this year, along with a little schpiel about each:

Resolution #1

Get our house to a "status quo" and instill the entire family with the expectation that it should be maintained.

P and I are messy.  I admit it.  I'm (probably, maybe, just a little) worse than he is, but I'm also better at cleaning up after everyone else! The kids are messy because they are kids.  Our daughter, A (10 years old), is the least messy.  She's great at organizing and putting things in their place.  She just isn't good at keeping it that way.  K (almost 15 years old) is slightly messy, but he is very amenable to cleaning and organizing when asked to do so.  N (13 years old on Saturday) has the messiest room and has been known to pay A to help him clean it.  He's a man after my own heart.  Hey, if you don't like doing something or aren't very good at it, hire someone who is!  That being said, I do have help from a wonderful woman who keeps me from being buried by an avalanche from the mountain of laundry that we create each week and the kitchen mess from swallowing me up alive.  I love this woman because she takes care of us and keeps me sane. If anyone needs a great Mother's Helper, she is always looking for a few extra hours of work!  But, we are still plagued by counter tops full of mail and paperwork from school, random "stuff" thrown onto the dining room table, shoes, backpacks, sweatshirts, cups, and other random objects scattered hither and to. Is "hither and to" really a saying or did I just make that up? So, I'd like to put some organizational practices in place and set expectations. "Hey everyone, here is where we put the mail and here is where your school stuff should go.  Backpacks and shoes should immediately go into your rooms after school. This is what the house should look like (without the mess just hidden away in bags and in closets and on top of the fridge because people are coming over)!  Let's all work together to keep it that way!"  All of that was said with a Mary Poppins accent, by the way.  "A spoonful of sugar" really does "help the medicine go down!"

Resolution #2

Say "No, but thank you for the opportunity" more often and not feel badly or angry afterwards.

I have recently learned to do the first part of this resolution, but I need to do it more often.  I severely need to work on the second part.  For instance, very recently, I did not accept a volunteer position working on development/fundraising work. Why? Because that's what I get paid to do. Instead, I offered to help with another aspect of the organization.  That felt great.  I'll be able to do something that really interests me, will fulfill me, and use skills outside of my career skill set.  But, I still feel kind of icky about turning it down and I'm concerned that they won't find someone else who is willing and/or able to take it on.  I'd like to work on letting that worry go!  Another example is a potential client who wanted to pay me an amount that I was not comfortable with for some writing/editing work.  I sent her my hourly rates and even offered her a discount, but ultimately, we were not able to work together.  It was my choice.  I turned down her low ball offer and I felt great for knowing "my value" but I hated having to turn down a client (especially one who was referred to me by a friend). 

Shameless plug: Robbins Nonprofit Solutions and Consulting loves referrals! All potential nonprofit clients get a 1-hour consultation for free and my fee structure depends on the organization's total budget.  Also, I will only let an organization hire me if I think that my work with them will lead to them raising a lot more money than my services cost.

Resolution #3

Walk 20 miles per week.

I'm saying "walk" but I might run, or jog, or even frolic.  I'm not following a training schedule and I'm not doing a race at the end.  Please, please, please, please, please, DO NOT ask me to do a race.  I DO NOT do races.  I'm just walking a lot.  I'm not counting the walks I take with Flash, unless it's a longer walk than usual.  I will (mostly) be walking on my treadmill and I tend to mix up the speeds and the incline.  This will not be my only workout. I may workout at the YMCA when I want to add weights or try a class.  20 miles a weeks seems like a manageable number and I promise to listen to my body, take rest days, amp up the miles when I feel great, and take it easy when I feel tired. Ok, ok...I'd like to do a half marathon, but no 5Ks or 10Ks. 

I'm proud to have a family resolution, a business-related resolution, and a fitness resolution!  

Oh, I'd also like to try and blog at least twice a month. Hold me to that, readers!

Happy New Year and best wishes on all of your resolutions!