Interfaith Family Christmas

If you're seeing this first, please go read the Intro, then come back here.

Marrying into and being part of two interfaith families hasn't been easy and has come with a lot of tsuris.  

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my former in-laws was something I dreaded.  It would literally make me ill.  Without fail, I would end up with a splitting migraine on Christmas Day.  I could (and might) write an entire novel chronicling my experiences, stresses, and persecution while a part of that family. 

TEASER: one of his aunts once gave me a children's book so that I "might be able to understand it" and therefore accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. *eyeroll* Yes, this is just one of the horribly insulting, shocking, and actually fairly anti-semetic things I dealt with...  

But...looking back, I think it boiled down to my feeling completely out of place, uncomfortable, and having to slap this huge fraudulent smile on my face while watching the children of the family act out the manger scene, listening to everyone sing Silent Night with the lights out and while holding candles, and watching everyone tear into gifts that were usually trinkets that no one wanted or needed, but had to be given due to "the family rules" or something of the like.  

Truth be told, these are lovely traditions, and I realize that you probably don't understand why I hated it so much...but, I was always on the periphery.  My being Jewish made me an outsider within my own family; a family that I had chosen out of love for my ex-husband despite knowing the hardships of blending religious backgrounds.  I struggled for over 10 years to find my fit with them on their holiday and, unfortunately, it never happened.

Christmas Eve 1999
My first Christmas with my ex-in-laws.  Ah, the innocence...

When I was first dating my current husband, he suggested that I join him in Orlando for Christmas with his mom's side of the family.  I shuddered.  I was terrified.  I shared this with him and he said something like, "Please don't worry. They basically don't even do Christmas.  There isn't a tree or anything."  Little did he know that my baggage was a lot heavier than just a small suitcase filled with pine needles and hand-made ornaments!

Little did I know that he was right.  There was no tree. There was no reading from the bible. No one sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and lit candles on a cake shaped like a cross. (Oh, did I forget to mention the BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR JESUS?  Yeah, my ex-in-laws did that.  Now, I know that even other Christians think this is weird...but, I digress...)

There were presents exchanged.  There were some Christmas traditions.  There was a turkey dinner, but not a traditional turkey dinner.  Instead, the family fried dozens of turkeys and donated them to churches, police stations, and fire stations.  There was a birthday cake, but it was for my mother-in-law because she was born on December 24th.  There was a lot of love and laughter and I just fit right in.

It's been a few years since then and I look forward to the annual Christmas Eve Turkey Fry. It's grown and everyone's become involved in it and it's an amazing act of charity that we love to do as a family.  

We often spend Christmas Day having dinner with my husband's dad and stepmom and her children along with a few other friends and family members.  I enjoy her cute British traditions and relaxing together as the sun goes down.

I'm finally comfortable with my interfaith family on Christmas because they share the same values and place importance on the same aspects of the holiday that I would...

if it was my holiday...

Christmas Day 2011
Enjoying the British traditions!

Interfaith Family Christmas-Intro

What does a Jewish girl have to say about Christmas?

I have plenty I'd like to say on the subject.  

A few quick things:

-I do not get offended when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas.  I really don't care.  I say, "Happy Holidays!" because it encompasses New Year's as well.

-It's not my holiday.  I've said this for years.  Mayim agrees and I loved her blog post this year.  Click on the link and read it for yourself....but, then, please come back here and finish reading this blog.  Or, go there after you've read this.  Or, whatever...I don't want to be too controlling. (Hmmm...New Year's resolution?)

-I do not remember what we did on Christmas when I was a child.  Maybe we went for Chinese food and/or to the movies.  Maybe we went to non-Jewish friends' homes to celebrate.  I don't know.  I don't remember.  My selective memory seems to be a theme on this blog.

-I think I had a few other "quick things" but I seem to have forgotten them. Please see above.

The thing that I most strongly want to write about is the way I've celebrated Christmas as a married woman.  

In both of my marriages I have been part of an interfaith family, yet in extremely different ways. My ex-husband's family was Southern Baptist.  He grew up Southern Baptist and then decided to become a Jew, but never followed through on the conversion process.  So, essentially, he was nothing.  In fact, that's just one of the many reasons why our marriage ended, but that's an entirely different can of worms to open at a later date.  

My current family is interfaith in a much more complicated way.  If it gets confusing, just realize that we're a big mixed bunch.  Hang on for the ride.  My husband is Jewish, but his ex-wife is Catholic.  Our children are being raised with both religions and experiencing both fully.  My in-laws are divorced and both re-married. My husband's mother is a Jew-by-choice (which is a clever way of saying that she converted to Judaism) and she is married to a Christian man.  My father-in-law is Jewish, but his wife is Anglican.  So, my husband's stepparents and his maternal aunt, uncles, and cousins all celebrate Christmas...and that means so do we.

Due to advice from friends and other bloggers and due to the fact that I can't ever make a long story short:

TO BE CONTINUED...