Interfaith Family Christmas

If you're seeing this first, please go read the Intro, then come back here.

Marrying into and being part of two interfaith families hasn't been easy and has come with a lot of tsuris.  

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my former in-laws was something I dreaded.  It would literally make me ill.  Without fail, I would end up with a splitting migraine on Christmas Day.  I could (and might) write an entire novel chronicling my experiences, stresses, and persecution while a part of that family. 

TEASER: one of his aunts once gave me a children's book so that I "might be able to understand it" and therefore accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. *eyeroll* Yes, this is just one of the horribly insulting, shocking, and actually fairly anti-semetic things I dealt with...  

But...looking back, I think it boiled down to my feeling completely out of place, uncomfortable, and having to slap this huge fraudulent smile on my face while watching the children of the family act out the manger scene, listening to everyone sing Silent Night with the lights out and while holding candles, and watching everyone tear into gifts that were usually trinkets that no one wanted or needed, but had to be given due to "the family rules" or something of the like.  

Truth be told, these are lovely traditions, and I realize that you probably don't understand why I hated it so much...but, I was always on the periphery.  My being Jewish made me an outsider within my own family; a family that I had chosen out of love for my ex-husband despite knowing the hardships of blending religious backgrounds.  I struggled for over 10 years to find my fit with them on their holiday and, unfortunately, it never happened.

Christmas Eve 1999
My first Christmas with my ex-in-laws.  Ah, the innocence...

When I was first dating my current husband, he suggested that I join him in Orlando for Christmas with his mom's side of the family.  I shuddered.  I was terrified.  I shared this with him and he said something like, "Please don't worry. They basically don't even do Christmas.  There isn't a tree or anything."  Little did he know that my baggage was a lot heavier than just a small suitcase filled with pine needles and hand-made ornaments!

Little did I know that he was right.  There was no tree. There was no reading from the bible. No one sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and lit candles on a cake shaped like a cross. (Oh, did I forget to mention the BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR JESUS?  Yeah, my ex-in-laws did that.  Now, I know that even other Christians think this is weird...but, I digress...)

There were presents exchanged.  There were some Christmas traditions.  There was a turkey dinner, but not a traditional turkey dinner.  Instead, the family fried dozens of turkeys and donated them to churches, police stations, and fire stations.  There was a birthday cake, but it was for my mother-in-law because she was born on December 24th.  There was a lot of love and laughter and I just fit right in.

It's been a few years since then and I look forward to the annual Christmas Eve Turkey Fry. It's grown and everyone's become involved in it and it's an amazing act of charity that we love to do as a family.  

We often spend Christmas Day having dinner with my husband's dad and stepmom and her children along with a few other friends and family members.  I enjoy her cute British traditions and relaxing together as the sun goes down.

I'm finally comfortable with my interfaith family on Christmas because they share the same values and place importance on the same aspects of the holiday that I would...

if it was my holiday...

Christmas Day 2011
Enjoying the British traditions!

Interfaith Family Christmas-Intro

What does a Jewish girl have to say about Christmas?

I have plenty I'd like to say on the subject.  

A few quick things:

-I do not get offended when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas.  I really don't care.  I say, "Happy Holidays!" because it encompasses New Year's as well.

-It's not my holiday.  I've said this for years.  Mayim agrees and I loved her blog post this year.  Click on the link and read it for yourself....but, then, please come back here and finish reading this blog.  Or, go there after you've read this.  Or, whatever...I don't want to be too controlling. (Hmmm...New Year's resolution?)

-I do not remember what we did on Christmas when I was a child.  Maybe we went for Chinese food and/or to the movies.  Maybe we went to non-Jewish friends' homes to celebrate.  I don't know.  I don't remember.  My selective memory seems to be a theme on this blog.

-I think I had a few other "quick things" but I seem to have forgotten them. Please see above.

The thing that I most strongly want to write about is the way I've celebrated Christmas as a married woman.  

In both of my marriages I have been part of an interfaith family, yet in extremely different ways. My ex-husband's family was Southern Baptist.  He grew up Southern Baptist and then decided to become a Jew, but never followed through on the conversion process.  So, essentially, he was nothing.  In fact, that's just one of the many reasons why our marriage ended, but that's an entirely different can of worms to open at a later date.  

My current family is interfaith in a much more complicated way.  If it gets confusing, just realize that we're a big mixed bunch.  Hang on for the ride.  My husband is Jewish, but his ex-wife is Catholic.  Our children are being raised with both religions and experiencing both fully.  My in-laws are divorced and both re-married. My husband's mother is a Jew-by-choice (which is a clever way of saying that she converted to Judaism) and she is married to a Christian man.  My father-in-law is Jewish, but his wife is Anglican.  So, my husband's stepparents and his maternal aunt, uncles, and cousins all celebrate Christmas...and that means so do we.

Due to advice from friends and other bloggers and due to the fact that I can't ever make a long story short:

TO BE CONTINUED...

Y hate the holiday?

Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of Thanksgiving.  As a former-fat-girl, it's an anxiety producing holiday full of fattening foods, gluttony, and laziness (except for those preparing the meal and cleaning up after the party).  That being said, I don't think I really ever loved Thanksgiving.  It's just doesn't resonate with me.  In fact, this morning, while talking to my mother on the phone, I said, "I don't have a lot of Thanksgiving memories from my childhood."  Her reply was, "Well, we put more emphasis on the Jewish holidays."* Hmmm...fair enough.  I have plenty of hard-boiled egg in salted water, chopped charoset, matzoh ball soup, gefilte fish with horseradish so hot it makes your nose run, apples dipped in honey, round challah, brisket-laden, candle-lighting, latke frying memories. For those keeping track, that was Passover, Rosh Hashanah, and Hanukkah back there...

Also, I did jog my memory and recall Thanksgiving dinners spent at my paternal Grandparents' country club dining room.  Umm...totally brilliant, right? No one has to cook or clean...except for the employees who don't get to be with their families because they are busy serving others...but, I digress. 

This year, the 2nd night of Hanukkah falls on Thanksgiving and everyone is SO into it!  It's been dubbed Thanksgivikkuah and from it have sprung thousands of articles, blog posts, and websites featuring recipes, clothes, cards, gifts, and even a turkey/menorah mashup called a menurkey (which isn't a kosher menorah, by the way, because the candles aren't all the same height)!  It's an odd calendar happenstance that won't occur again for something like 70,000 years.  I guess I can't blame everyone for getting excited.  It just doesn't ring my bell. 

In addition, our kids are in New York with their mother's family because she gets Thanksgiving in odd years (2013) and we get even years.  Unfortunately, that sucks for Thanksgivikkuh, because they won't be back with us until the 4th night of Hanukkah and that makes me sad. 

*sigh* I'm trying to figure out a way to make sure this blog isn't a big old "I hate Thanksgiving and I miss my children and it's cold outside and eating too much food and breathing freezing air makes me super cranky and and and and rant...phew! Even when I'm cranky, I try to be thankful daily and not just on the 4th Thursday in November which also happens to coincide with the 2nd night of Hanukkah this year.

Honestly...

I love that everyone has holiday traditions.

I love that everyone has this specific holiday that causes them to think and be thankful.  

I love that even though I don't love this holiday, those around me do.  

I love that I'm surrounded by family and friends, today and every day.

So...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, HAPPY HANUKKAH, HAPPY THANKSGIVIKKUH TO YOU AND YOURS!!!

Y such a long break?

Remember way, way, way back to March 2012?  Well, that's when I decided to write a blog.  I'm pretty sure it was at the prodding, cajoling, and other big -ing words from my dear friend, Bena.  I was looking for (or Bena told me I was looking for) an outlet to express my thoughts about the new life I was living as 30 year old, newly remarried stepmom in the suburbs.  I like to write and I am never at a loss for words, so why not? It was also to make my dad laugh. He finds me to be quite hilarious.  In fact, I think he was one of 5 people who actually read the blog.  When I left you readers (all 5 of you) with a huge cliffhanger about Tiko, my dad was the only one who bugged me about writing the next part of that story. By the way, please notice that I figured out how to link back to that post.  I'm quite proud of myself!

But, I flaked.  I stopped blogging. I stopped writing.  I'm probably not going to ever finish that Tiko post .  Honestly, I don't remember what my plan was for the second part!  Until today, this blog had all but become a dusty book on the library shelves of my memory.  Well, now I am officially 32 (my birthday is in June), I've been married for almost 2 years, and my stepkids are growing like weeds before my eyes.  I still haven't gotten used to suburbia.  Life is hectic and active.  I would say life is busy, but my husband abhors the word "busy" so I'll say "active" instead!

So, I suppose I'll dust myself off and start again.  Just to remind you, this might be a:

-parenting blog
-a blog full of relationship advice
-a blog dedicated to fundraising and non-profits
-a funny blog
-a blog riddled with incorrect grammar, crazy attempts at punctuation, and an obscene amount of parenthesis and ellipses...

It's back.  I'm back.  I promise to (try and) do better this time!